I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
