i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's never too late to be topless.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
