If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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