it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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