mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
