I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
