nut hugger
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
