Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
