why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
