TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
