True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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