Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
foreskin is a definite game changer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
