Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
