is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sober January is a disaster.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
