Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
