if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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