I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
