Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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