Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
