he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
