Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
