Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
