There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
