i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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