im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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