Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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