i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
