Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
