dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
