Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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