You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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