I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
