HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
