Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
