two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
