Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Found your dick twin last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A+ Viking dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
