Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
don't judge my taste in strippers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
