Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
