I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
