I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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