"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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