remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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