no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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