Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There r osticjed everywhere
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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