I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize