You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
