It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm passing your future prison.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
