Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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