I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
