It's Friday. Sex?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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