How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Boobs are out for the taking
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
