I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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