I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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