i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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