Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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