the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
