To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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