bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
