theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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