dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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