I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
