So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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