he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
