So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
