Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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