so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
