bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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