I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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