I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
