I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
