So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
