I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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