It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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