he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
