Umm I'm too high to move.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
