She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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